Carlo accused me of not being a true blogger, mbu I just kwesiba on bloggers. She just might have a point but at the end of the day what is the definition of a blogger? What is the criteria for you to be considered one? Carlo kindly enlighten me because I think there is something that I am missing.

I went for my first BHH last month, alright my first official BHH. It was interesting, met a few bloggers and got re-acquainted with some. The new faces - Joshi, Solomon, Yvonne and Detamble. Then for the re-acquainting - Apiyo, Carlo, Dee, Eddsla, Flora, Lucy and Rev. And yes he was there too. Talked a bit to everyone which was all good. Then something happened that actually threw me off but then not there and then. Was jazzing with one blogger and I asked her for her phone number at some point mainly for the book stuff. So I saved the number she gave me. Now sometime last week I call the number coz I was looking for a book for a client, a guy answered and he was so amused because it was totally a wrong number!

I was actually flabbergasted by it all. It would have been so much simpler for her to just say, "no, i don't want to give it to you." I would have been like, what the heck?! but still respected her choice and stayed away. I was actually quite disappointed, not because she didn't give me her number but coz this is someone who whenever we bump into each other is all smiles and actually stops to talk, as if really interested. Oh well, lesson learned.

Well I missed Antipop and Chanel at BHH. I was looking forward to mingling with them becuase it seems they are a special breed of chicks. Wanted to see how different they are compared to their 'personalities' on blogger. Especially the madam from Kanungu.

In other news, I finally watched Dream Girls and it was actually nice to see Beyonce playing a part that required her to be 'humble'. And I hahad Jennifer Hudson, she has a marvellous, wonderfully delicious voice! And she totally deserved that Oscar.

Enjoy your weekend peoples.

I so love kissing. And blessedly for me the Mister is a good kisser.

Yes it does matter to us chicks. And it doesn't have any drama of size... okay in a way it kind of does, in terms of the lips size. But that doesn't largely influence the technique... unless you are caucasian and basically have "no" lips like my family loves to say of the fairer human species. I have never kissed someone with "no" lips so don't really have any insight into that experience (Chanel, can you help... especially since you have just come from a country that has mob of them... right Antipop?!)

Anyway, I have kissed a total of only 5... wait 6 guys in my short life and can basically recall the first time it happened for each one of them. The first was when I was in kindergaten and ofcourse it wasn't all that serious... more like experimenting. I was at Jack and Jill Nursery in Kabalagala for the last part of my nursery and there was this big dog in the playground. Even though it was in its kennel, it would actually frighten me, basically terrify me. So one time we were chilling in the playgorund when it started to growl and seriously bark. There was a boy there with me who I held on to and to comfort me, he gave me a kiss. A fast player? So true. Well he must have had something for me or wouldn't have done it... or would he have? An insight into a boy's psyche...

That was all sweet and adorable but my most memorable was with the Mister. It was after a few weeks that we had started seeing each other. The thing that hit me when I was remembering it, besides the fact that it was in a public place (which is so strange for me since I am such a private person) is that it felt so right. Kissing can feel so good, sensual, intimate... but for it to feel so right hadn't happened to me before.

And now it always feels right... even in the elevator Chanel.

So is the kissing that good for you?

In the same spirit, listening to: Kissing You by Total

Since it seems like that it is the hott topic at the moment; she and he both wrote about it, I thought I would give my two cents about it. But in a totally different perspective.

A friend sent me this and I totally related... thought I would share. Be warned, its long.

My friend Diane got married recently. Walking down the aisle, smiling big, she winked as she passed me. She was stepping into a new season of life—a husband, a new home, new responsibilities … sex. I chuckled at the thought of the "s" word. Diane and Bill hadn't even kissed yet. They wanted to wait until their wedding day. Hence, their dating intimacy had consisted of lingering handshakes, brief hugs, and very few moments completely alone together. "We hold hands and look at each other a lot," Diane once confessed. (Oh, please!) To this day I shake my head every time I think of it.

We've always been different, Diane and I. My mind drifts to the time when a man like Bill was nothing more than a whisper of hope hidden in Diane's heart. Back then we talked about men, marriage, romance, and sex. I was the verbal one; Diane, more modest. I'll never forget how her mouth flew open when I approached our pastor's wife with a fairly provocative question about sex. "I don't want to hear this!" Diane protested adamantly. She covered her ears and stomped away before the pastor's wife could answer. Me? I had no shame. God would send me a husband one day; I wanted to be ready!

Diane says I think about sex too much and must learn to master my bodily urges. I tell her I'd rather let a man do that. She says I'm carnal. I say I'm passionate. She says I must wait on God. I tell her I think God's watch must be broken because he's running a bit late. She says I'm silly because God invented time and doesn't even need a watch. I hate it when she gets theological on me.My friend Diane says I must learn to master my bodily urges. I tell her I'd rather let a man do that.

A few years ago, Diane and I signed up for a women's conference at our church. The subject was holiness, being set apart for God's unique purpose in our life. The host of the gathering, a cheerful little lady with sparkling eyes and a bright smile, told us we needed to yield every area of our life to Christ, including our sexuality. The ladies in the room—several of whom were married—nodded their heads in agreement. I looked around. Easy for them to say! As for the others—was chastity really that easy for them?

I'd accepted Jesus as my Savior years before. I'd left my boyfriend behind and started a new way of life. I truly loved God. But my hormones were going crazy, and I desperately desired to share my life—and my body—with someone special. So there I sat, feeling like some carnal beast among this lofty group of good Christian ladies.

Finally, it was question and answer time. I swallowed hard and bit my lower lip. Diane looked at me and furrowed her brow.
"What are you thinking?" she whispered. "I know that look. Don't you dare embarrass me!""Shhh!" I motioned to her harshly."You're going to say something about sex!"I mouthed the words to her, "I want to have sex."I'd never seen her eyes get quite that big before.
She hissed, "So help me, I'll never speak to you.”

"I want to have sex," I said plainly to everyone and to no one in particular.A dead silence descended upon the room."Excuse me?" the speaker chirped.I said, 'I want to have sex.'"Diane put her head in her hands. I continued.
"No offense, ma'am," I said, "but how do you handle not 'doing it'?"A few gasps rippled through the room. Suddenly I became embarrassed, but there was no turning back now."I mean, I'm 32 years old. I came to faith a few years ago. I was, um, … active before, if you know what I mean."

I looked around me. Some women had their heads down. Others had turned various shades of red. In an instant my mouth went dry. I felt like a fool and was about to apologize, when I saw her. We locked glances across the room, and her big brown eyes implored me to go on. She nodded in approval. She understood. A kindred spirit! I felt empowered.

Looking at the host, I continued,
"It's like no one wants to talk about it. You make chastity sound so easy, but it's not. There are nights," I whimpered, "when I'm so lonely, all I can do is hold my Bible close and cry. I love God, really, I do. I just. …"

I didn't know what else to say. I felt small again, and ashamed. Why was this area of my life so difficult for me? I looked around the room. Eyes that had avoided me earlier now looked knowingly into mine. Perhaps I wasn't so alone after all."I know what you mean," a voice said. My kindred spirit stood up, her eyes full of tears. "Sometimes it's all I can do to hang on.""But you do hang on," someone replied. "Maybe that's what counts."

"Sometimes I don't," I said softly. Sometimes my mind lingered unashamedly on intimate memories. Sometimes guys from the "old days" called, seemingly on cue, to test my resistance. Sometimes I was strong—but sometimes I acquiesced and hated myself for it. I didn't go "all the way" anymore, but I'd compromised my integrity too many times. Although there'd been no recent incidents, my body screamed daily. I knew I stood on the cusp of falling at any moment.As I considered my shortcomings, conversation began. I listened, amazed, as one woman after another shared personal stories of struggle, triumph, and even failure to maintain purity.

We laughed and cried together, candidly discussing how to stay pure amidst raging hormones. The need to dress sexy and be sexy calls to us from every arena—magazines, books, media. The message we receive is that sex outside marriage is healthy, it feels good, and of course, everybody's doing it. For those of us who've tasted the delight of physical intimacy, finding satisfaction in life without it can be a challenge.

Is it possible to be content when something you want so desperately seems so out of reach? The answer, we concluded, is yes! Contentment comes by trusting with every ounce of our being that God wants what's best for us and will supply it at the proper time.

Choosing to live celibate during this season of life allows me to focus on God's will—to rely on him in times of loneliness and doubt. When my body aches for affection, I run to him, talk to him, and cry to him, learning to allow his arms to hold me. And in the end, there's nothing more satisfying than succumbing to the love of my Creator.

That day, I discovered I'd been putting my life on hold while I waited for a man. God, however, was waiting for me to take hold of the abundant life he'd planned for me. Focused on what I didn't have, I allowed my wants to determine my outlook. When I stopped whining for my way—right here, right now—I realized God was beckoning me to a closer relationship with him.

One woman stated, "I realized a long time ago, before I got married, that to get the caliber of man I wanted, I had to raise my standards as a woman. I threw myself into God's Word and learned as much about him as I could. I found things I enjoyed doing and began doing them. I found out who I was as a person. I not only began to feel better about myself, but I began to feel worthy of love, and worthy of waiting for someone who'd offer me more than just a feel-good in the middle of the night.""I envy you," I said."Don't envy me," she replied. "Emulate me.""Honey," one older woman prodded gently, "is it simply sex you desire, or is it closeness, affection, and affirmation? Look, I've been married more than 40 years. Sometimes an empty feeling sweeps over me like Cinderella's broom. You may not believe this, but no man can fully deliver you from that. So before you go doing something foolish, think of the consequences. Honor God with your life. Keep your vows to him even when it hurts. It'll pay off in the long run, you'll see."
Her tender words rested on me with grandmotherly warmth.

The session ended with prayer, the exchanging of phone numbers, and insights into a new way of thinking—and behaving.

Still, progress takes time. The following week I was on the phone.
"Diane!" I cried, "I'm about to explode in an exuberant cacophony of hormones.""Again?" she asked. "Aren't you being a tad dramatic?""I can't help it," I responded. "I'm in my prime. One day you're going to come into my bedroom and I'll have exploded. There'll be a big purple stain on the bed, traces of what I used to be.""Purple?""Purple, the color of passion." Must I explain everything?I breathed a heavy sigh of frustration. She was spoiling a perfectly fine pity party.
"Oh, brother!" Diane sounded exasperated. "Look, God knows you're in your prime. Go get your Bible and let's pray."
When we finished she said, "You know, there's a lot more to having a man than a cacophony of hormones.""Like what?!" I cried incredulously."Have you been reading Song of Songs again?" she asked."I had to do my daily Bible reading, didn't I?""You have a problem."

I overlooked the offense and filed it away. She'll need me one day. When that day comes, I'll remind her of her snippishness—and graciously forgive her.

The pastor pronounced them husband and wife, and Bill and Diane kissed for the first time. At the reception I pulled her aside and whispered the answer to the sex question I'd asked the pastor's wife a few years prior. Diane blushed but smiled big.
"You're a sick woman," she said, laughing."I know!" I cried, doing a little dance. "But my husband will be a happy man."Diane grabbed my arm and pulled me close.
"So will mine!" she exclaimed softly. "So will mine!"Was that a sparkle of passion I saw in my friend's eyes? We both laughed and did a little dance together. Maybe we've helped balance each other in more ways than we've realized.Funny thing—I caught the bouquet.
"You're next!" everyone shouted. In the meantime, however, I have things to do and dreams to follow.

YOU CAN'T CROSS THE SEA MERELY BY STARING INTO THE WATER

Don’t look at me that way. This has nothing to do with me. Well not directly at any rate.

I have a friend who is in the process of breaking up. I say process because according to me, it’s more or less a done thing, but you know what they say “fools in love/lust”… It is taking longer than I think it should and I think it is imperative that I be the good friend I know I am and give her a boost in the right direction.

It strikes me that I might be advocating to kick the guy to the curb because I am tired of being the friend that holds her hand, who she comes to when she wants to voice her inner debates. There are times I just want to shake her and tell her she deserves way more than what he is giving her.

You might think I am being a bit too rash. Let me break it down. Tell you what this chap did. Well what rumor says he did anyway and from the way he is acting, he might as well be guilty. He is sleeping with this other chick because my friend will not sleep with him. I say, “Kudos to her! You don’t know where he has been and with whom!”

I don’t want to believe the cliché about all men being dogs but sometimes it rings true.

What happened to abstinence? To all those campaigns Y.E.A.H, ministry of Health and their various assortments of friends hustle to run? About being responsible? About being a man, making choices today that will save you tomorrow?

Men argue that they since they are easily stimulated, they cannot control their baser instincts, they just have to find ways to “fix the problem”. I like the rebuttal to this argument.

God made man (men and women) different from all His other creations. He made man with the ability to choose/make decisions for himself. He gave man free will. So for you to stand up and say is you could not control yourself, you had to get some is total fallacy.

Back to this guy.

After the initial tears and pointing fingers session, the girl took the boy back. You should have seen the disbelief written all over me. The mad chick that I am, I would never have done that but then, women are suckers which I so understand! But sometimes we need to have a real good back bone and just not give in to that crap.

The twist in this tale came a few days later. Suddenly she cannot do anything right according to him. She walks out of parties, she always puts him down, and she doesn’t care one bit about him and his friends.

Then some more drama, he said he had never met a woman like her who is not shy about embarrassing him. W.T.F.

I felt that blow like I was the one in the relationship. By the time I have put up with your crap for more than 11 months and then you suddenly wake up and declare that I am an embarrassment to you? What have the last months been about? Have you suddenly found your embarrassment meter?

This is when you realize how deceitful men can be. Okay, that’s a bit too much of a generalization to fly but this is when you realize how deceitful relationships can be. You think after you have been through the shzznut would realize how much you have put in.

So my question is when is the right time to break off a relationship?

First a confession.

I am having a hard time trying to make up my mind about what to write about or how to write out what I want to.

I have heard (read) many of you say things about Mr.B2B and some how I think I am expected to be the female version of a player gone good.

That’s an accurate description to some extent but the difference is, it only went down in my head.

Second, I just want to be me.

So without further a do, I ask the following questions.

1. Why don’t people make full confessions on their blogs and keep us guessing?
2. Am I allowed to haggle with people over their posts and re-write my version on my blog?

Hope you all know I’m joking about no. 2, right? That would be sheer madness, for real!

This is a universal question, although most men will argue that it is women who are more complex and thus the other question which is also a movie that Mel Gibson stared in being more common. But really, what do you guys want?

The book Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus clarifies on a few things but doesn’t make it crystal clear. Men can really have issues and are very different from us.

He asks, ‘What do you want?’

When you do tell him, he trips that you are too demanding or you are giving too many details and at the end of the day, you are asking yourself, do you want me or just image of your dream woman? All docile and very blond, a yes woman all the time to your liking. At that point, I am thinking, why did you bloody ask if you don’t want to know!

For them, they have a different set of rules and then for us, and they change according to their liking. When he cheats – it’s in their genes. When she cheats – she’s a whore. W.T.F.

The first a guy I dated at uni was a serious bad boy, I like them like that. The thing is, I told him that I wouldn’t sleep with him if we dated because I wanted to wait till I got married, asked him if he was cool with that and if he would handle it. He confidently said that he would. 6 weeks into our relationship and he was like,

‘Honey please. I want you so so so bad, please!’

I was dumbfounded. Wouldn’t hold it against him for all that coz it would obviously happen when we were making out.

This book (His Needs, Her Needs) which is a Christian’s guidebook for marriage kind of cleared it all up for me. Dr. Harley explains the husband’s needs starting with the most important and numero uno was sexual fulfillment.

That actually surprised me, but clears a lot of questions.

Gentlemen, it would be good to hear from you, so don’t be shy. Tell us, what do you want?

I am all woman and he is my man...